Persistent Drizzle Demands Correction After Region It Has Soaked Since August Is Called 'News Desert'
The low-pressure system says it has covered the area every day for three months, which, Hedges concedes in a footnote, is more than anyone else has.
Published · The real story ↓
DCMS says fifty organisations are set to benefit from the government's £6 million Local News Fund. Steering Board co-chair Polly Curtis said: "There are too many news deserts in this country and this fund is starting to make a difference."
The phrase landed badly in Nethercombe-under-Sog, where a low-pressure system has not moved since August. In fairness, I offered it a right of reply, printed unedited: "Desert? I have been here every single day. Nobody covers me except the bus shelter."¹
The drizzle has since drafted a bid in the spirit of the fund's stated aims, which include reaching new and younger audiences. It proposes to reach the young by forming on the inside of their bedroom windows each morning.²
"Desert" is plainly unfair to a parish with 340mm of rain this quarter.³ Should any further round go ahead, funders might consider meteorological applicants.⁴
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¹ The bus shelter disputes this and has requested a right of reply of its own, which your columnist is still considering.
² Your columnist cannot confirm the drizzle is a company of any kind.
³ The Nethercombe Courier closed in 2011. The drizzle's account of last month's planning meeting ("it was damp; three people came") is the only record that exists.
⁴ My editor notes the drizzle filed more copy this week than I did. It has been offered a weekly column, being the only applicant who reliably turned up.
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The real story
The Department for Culture, Media and Sport says 50 organisations will receive grants from its £6 million Local News Fund, part of its 'Amplify: The Local Media Action Plan'. Most grants, of up to £125,000, go to local print, online, TV and radio outlets, and seven infrastructure projects receive up to £275,000. The release also says the 'Inspiring the Future' journalism careers campaign has reached more than 11,000 students in more than 100 schools. The National Committee for the Safety of Journalists will meet during Journalism Matters Week to agree a refreshed National Action Plan.
Sources: real reporting
- GOV.UK news: artificial intelligence: Government backs local journalism with £6 million funding while careers campaign reaches thousands of youngsters ·
About this piece
This is satire. The reporter is a fictional character, and the commentary, scenes and dialogue are invented. The facts it relies on are summarized in “The real story” and come from the sources listed above.
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