AI Safety Method Boasts 100 Percent Success Rate In Sample Of One Executive

According to The Verge's account of a 60 Minutes interview, President Trump credited the Justice Department with managing AI risk. He described a forceful call to the unnamed leader of a major AI company, who was told to prepare for prison and kiss their wife good night. The executive, he said, then completely changed their behavior. Nobody has been named, and it is unclear whether the DOJ has confirmed the account.

The fictional Halvorsen Institute for Reproducible Outcomes has completed its review. Sample size: one. Subject: anonymous. Control group: none. Primary outcome: behavior changed, units unspecified.

"We requested the spouse data," said lead reviewer Dr. Prisha Lund. "The spouse data was not available."

A replication arm phoned 40 consenting founders of fictional startups and gently asked them to kiss their spouses good night. The ethics board struck the jail portion as an uncontrolled variable.

Results: 31 kissed spouses. Zero changed roadmaps. Six asked whether this was about their Series A. Three were single and kissed the air, respectfully.

Effect on AI risk: indistinguishable from a regular Tuesday.

At press time, the Institute had downgraded its own 40-person study in favor of the original anecdote, citing its far more confident tone. I found the reasoning sound.