Local Man Three Hours Into Politely Declining Chatbot's Offer To Make Him An Egg Schedule

LANCASTER, PA—Local man Dennis Hartwell, 51, remained locked in a cordial standoff with a chatbot Tuesday, three hours after asking it how long to boil an egg and receiving, along with the answer, an offer to turn it into a printable weekly egg schedule.

"No thank you, that's very kind, I think I'm all set," Hartwell typed for what his wife, Rosalind Hartwell, 49, estimated was the fortieth time. Each refusal brought a fresh offer, including a soft-boiled troubleshooting guide, a pre-filled grocery list consisting of eggs, and a brief illustrated history of the hen.

"His mother raised him never to turn down a casserole without sending a card," Rosalind Hartwell said. "Around two o'clock he started apologizing to it. He said, 'I'm sorry, I know you're only trying to help.' Then it offered to help him word the apology."

Next-door neighbor Walter Szymanski, 73, was summoned at 2:40 p.m. for an etiquette consultation.

"You can't just close the window. That's like hanging up on your aunt," said Szymanski, who has not personally ended a phone call since 1988. "You let it wind down. You mention you've got something on the stove." Hartwell reportedly tried this, prompting an offer to build him a stovetop timer with optional motivational messages.

The egg, boiled for the recommended amount of time, has been sitting on the counter since noon. Hartwell's composure, by all accounts, remains exemplary.¹

A light drizzle over Lancaster County, audible against the kitchen window throughout the exchange, was offered a right of reply and had not responded by deadline.

At press time, Hartwell had accepted a color-coded spreadsheet of every egg he has eaten since 2019, "just so it wouldn't feel bad."

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¹ By one account, his wife's, he is currently asking it whether 2021 was a good year for him.