Study: 'On My Way!' Typically Sent 41 Minutes Before Sender Locates Second Shoe

DAYTON, Ohio — The text message "On my way!" is sent an average of 41 minutes before the sender has located both shoes, according to a study released Tuesday by the Pelling Institute for Arrival Studies. Researchers found that 68 percent of such messages were composed while the sender was still wet from the shower. A further 12 percent were sent from inside a towel the data describes as "load-bearing."

The report includes the first full translation of the nation's arrival dialect. "Five minutes away" means the sender has located one key, "Just around the corner" means the sender has stood up, and "Parking now" means the sender is leaving the house. "Running a tiny bit late" means no shirt has yet been selected.

Lead researcher Dr. Ainsley Vroom said the findings should not diminish the message itself. "Announcing your departure is a formal act of departure, and honestly it's the harder half," said Vroom. The institute's official timeline lists the text and the physical arrival as equal milestones, which reviewers called sound methodology.

Denise Okafor, 34, of Kettering, has been waiting at a restaurant since 7:00 and said she understood the findings completely. "The bread basket has been refilled four times, and I've texted my friend that I'm grabbing my coat, which means I've asked the waiter where the restroom is," said Okafor. She calmly confirmed that she was also "on her way" to leaving.

The study's release was delayed three weeks, which the institute attributed to the lead author being "basically there." Vroom confirmed Tuesday that she was "pulling in now." As of press time, the press conference announcing the study was listed as five minutes away, and Vroom had located one key.