Nvidia CEO's Leather Jacket Begins Assembling Succession Team After Analysts Note No Known Plan

SANTA CLARA, CA—CBS News reported that Nvidia's board said Sunday it was opening an independent investigation into allegations that China targeted CEO Jensen Huang in an intelligence operation. China's foreign ministry called the allegations baseless, and the board said it had no reason to believe company secrets or national security were compromised. According to the outlet, shares fell about 5.7 percent Monday, cutting roughly $247 billion in market value, and one analyst said there was no known succession plan.

Within hours, a black leather jacket, the garment CBS News describes as Huang's trademark at industry events, had begun assembling a succession team.

"I know nothing about any of that, and I'm just a jacket, for the record," said the jacket, reached on a hanger, before asking whether the board had a minute.

The jacket's 40-slide deck rests on what it called "basic incentive math." "Analysts say he's the public face of the company," it said. "I am, technically, the part of the face below the face." Under Leadership Experience, the deck lists "every keynote since I was cured." Slide 31 outlines a lean transition plan: "Keep the silhouette. Fill it later. Tell no one."

The jacket values its own leadership contribution at $247 billion, "adjusted." Asked adjusted for what, it said, "excluding sleeves, zipper and Mondays." This reporter has asked twice. The figure does not reconcile to anything, and this reporter would prefer not to discuss it further.

A rival bid has emerged. A fleece vest belonging to a Menlo Park venture capitalist circulated a memo arguing the industry was "ready for a vest era," which the jacket dismissed as "sleeveless thinking." Rolf Abernathy-Quist, 58, a partner at the Continuity Partners Group, noted that neither candidate had a pulse, "which is not traditionally disqualifying at the board level."

Elsewhere, leather jackets nationwide reported feeling about 5.7 percent less confident in hallway mirrors. A 22-year-old motorcycle jacket in Dayton, OH, said it had started wearing a scarf "to diversify."

At press time, the jacket, asked by this reporter to present its own succession plan, admitted that it did not have one either.